Soul mate

"Soul mate: two little words, one big concept. A belief that someone, somewhere, is holding the key to your heart." - Sex and the City

second best

This quote totally contradicts the article I posted previously. Several interesting takes on this topic. 

"Let me encourage each of you to never, ever settle for second best in a relationship. It is far better to not be in a relationship, wishing you were in one, than to actually be in one, wishing you weren't. Be willing, I pray you, to be single for the rest of your life, if that's what it takes to not settle for second best; as that would be far better than marrying a man who cannot love you." (borrowed from a friend's Facebook)

Stop Looking for Mr. Right? What?!

Women told to stop looking for Mr. Right

Author claims that over-30s would be happier if they settled for Mr. Not Bad

• Amelia Hill, social affairs correspondent
• The Observer, Sunday 24 January 2010

Women looking for a Mr. Right should give up after 30 and settle for a Mr. ­Second Best or a Mr. Right Now.

Lori Gottlieb, author of Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough, which is published in the UK next week, believes women who refuse to commit unless they find a man with whom they feel a deep, romantic love are consigning themselves to a lonely future.

"The theme of holding out for true love (whatever that is – look at the divorce rate) permeates our collective mentality," writes Gottlieb, a 40-year-old single mother who now admits she wishes she had "settled" for any of the "perfectly acceptable but uninspiring" men she rejected during her search for the perfect man.

"My dream, like that of my mother and her mother, was to fall in love, get married and live happily ever after. Of course, women are loth to admit it in this day and age, but ask any soul-baring 40-year-old single heterosexual woman what she most longs for in life, and she probably won't tell you it's a better career or a smaller waistline or a bigger apartment. Most likely, she'll say that what she really wants is a husband (and, by extension, a child)," she writes.

Gottlieb's book is based on an article she wrote in 2008 for the Atlantic magazine. The piece created such a sensation that it was picked up by Oprah Winfrey's O magazine and polarized readers. The debate caught the attention of Warner Independent and Tobey Maguire's Maguire Entertainment, which bought the book and film rights. Maguire intends to produce the film himself.

Gottlieb blames feminism for the number of women who find themselves alone after spending years holding out for their white knight. To the outside world, says Gottlieb, these women still insist they are self-sufficient. "But in reality, we aren't fish who can do without a bicycle; we're women who want a traditional family," she writes. "Every woman I know – no matter how successful and ambitious, how financially and emotionally secure – feels panic, occasionally coupled with desperation, if she hits 30 and finds herself unmarried."

It is not just feminism that has betrayed women by telling them they could have it all, said Gottlieb: every book, film and television show that perpetuates the myth of combining romantic love with a happy-ever-after ending – from Jane Austen to Friends – has done women a great and dangerous disservice.

"We're conditioned to crave that Big Love. It's painful how pervasive the fantasy is that The One is out there," she said. "We grew up idealizing marriage, but if we'd had a more realistic understanding of its cold, hard benefits, we might have done things differently. So we walked away from uninspiring relationships that might have made us happy."

She even claims that settling for Mr. Second Best could make women happier in the long run. "When we're holding out for romantic love, we have the fantasy that this level of passionate intensity will make us happier," she writes. "But marry­ing Mr. Good Enough might be equally viable, especially if you're looking for a reliable life companion.

"What makes for a good marriage isn't necessarily what makes for a good romantic relationship. Marriage isn't a passion-fest; it's a partnership formed to run a very small, mundane and often boring non-profit business. And I mean this in a good way."

But fellow author Elizabeth Gilbert believes that women are wrong to believe marriage will make them happy. In her new book, Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage, she writes: "We marry most often because we are in love and we think it will make us happy. Yet married women are more likely to suffer from depression than are single women.

"Married women are not as successful in their careers as single women."

She adds: "The fact is women generally lose in the exchange of vows."

source:  
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/jan/24/women-stop-looking-mr-right

Forgiveness

Today ended our series on forgiveness at Gracepoint.

This has been a challenging series for me. It has made me truly reflect on my life over the last year and a half. Can I really forgive? When will I be able to forgive? Will I ever be able to?

I know at some point, I really need to. Otherwise, my life will forever be a standstill stuck in the past. I need it to move forward with my life.

I have thought about how I can truly forgive. I can't just say I have or write that I have. Am I comfortable confronting my past in person and saying it? Ugh. That makes me nauseous. OK. Maybe I am not ready for that step.

I have been praying about this all month. How ironic that this series falls within the month of February, when my divorce was made final last year.

"A heart at peace gives life to the body..." [Proverbs 14:30]

"A love so real even after you're dead it hurts. That's all I want." --Must Love Dogs

What's the point of marriage?

A good friend of mine shared this with me. Reading this article made me realize several things about myself, my beliefs about marriage and my future. Over the last year, my views about marriage have changed.

I think, like many young women, I entered marriage thinking it would be fun, easy, magical and perfect...it would complete my life. At times, yes, it was all of those things, but toward the end, it became a battle. I know battle seems like a strong word, but that's what it was for me (and I'm sure him as well). We grew distant, unloving, angry, impatient and emotional.

There are so many things I would have done differently, but the past can't be changed. I can only learn from it.

Most of all, this article has given me new hope for marriage.

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationship/features/24806-whats-the-point-of-marriage

Before a woman gets married....

This video just made me laugh. We should raise our little girls to think more like this.

My younger years involved chasing boys on the playground, anxiously waiting for that first kiss, and trying to constantly impress guys with my physical features.

My mom was married twice and did her fair share of dating, as she should have as a young woman. This made me think that having a man in my life was important...crucial...in order to have a good life.

After my divorce last year, I realized that men aren't everything. They are not essential to a woman's life. Yes, it is wonderful to have someone to come home to, cook dinner with, go on trips, and say goodnight to, but not having a man in your life is OK. A woman will survive. She will still achieve her goals and aspirations.

"Unless it's mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it's a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life...love shouldn't be one of them." - Dream for an Insomniac

Stand still with me

“I’ve done the merry-go-round, I’ve been through the revolving doors, I feel like I’ve met someone I can stand still with for a minute. Don’t you want to stand still with me?” -Sex & the City

 This is totally how I feel. 

 Even after everything I have been through, I still want to find that someone to settle down with. Is that too much to ask? Is that too scary for men...a woman wanting to settle down? 

28

I can't believe I am going to be 28 this Sunday. Ah!

The last year has flown by. A lot has happened over the course of the year...

- entered the dating world again
- moved into a new apt
- was promoted at work
- new niece (Jade)
- new nephew (Camden)
- my twin brothers moved to CA
- my sister got married
- started my Masters degree

I am curious as to what 28 will bring.

“It is always the simple things that change our lives. And these things never happen when you are looking for them to happen. Life will reveal answers at the pace life wishes to do so. Sometimes, you feel like running, but life is on a stroll. This is how God does things.” -Miller

*Ah, gotta love the daily posted words of wisdom on my long time friend, JP's Facebook. 

Trust and faith go a long way

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. [1 Corinthians 13:13]

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. [Proverbs 3:5-6]

I needed to read these verses today. They remind me to have faith and trust in the Lord. Those are two great things that have gotten me through the course of this last year. Amazing words of comfort and encouragement can be found in the Bible. Give it a try some time.

I personally like to receive a daily Bible verse via email. http://www.letscripturespeak.com/

Jade Lin

My newest niece, Jade Lin, was born today at 9:50am weighing 7lbs and 20 inches long.

We are so excited to have another little girl in the family. :)

Congrats Jerry & Kayla! I can't wait to get up to Michigan and meet her.

4 generations: Grandma, Daddy, Jade, & Nana.

*happiness*

"People tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck, something that will descend upon you if you're fortunate enough. But that's not how happiness works. It's the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it and insist upon it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. Once you've achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it." - Elizabeth Gilbert

a hotdog dinner

As a single gal working full time and going to graduate school, there's sometimes (well, most of the time) not time for a full course home-cooked dinner.

I have become accustomed to snacking on "breakfast" (a granola bar or an apple) in the car on the way to work, eating my lunch (a PB & J sandwich) on the way to meetings, and simply grabbing a quick bite for "dinner" before class.

One of my favorite go-to lunches or dinners is a simple all-beef hotdog from Target. Yes, Target.

I never pay attention when I am in there of the people around me until yesterday when I saw a student who works for me out of the corner of my eye.

Ugh. So embarrassing.

Here I am. Single (meaning unmarried). Almost 28 and eating a hotdog at Target. For dinner. Alone.

I immediately avoided eye contact and hoped he didn't see me.

I know...why should I care?

Well...I was used to coming home to make dinner with my husband.

Now, I grab fast food (I know....so bad for me) in between meetings, classes, interviews, and more meetings.

When I saw the movie, "No Strings Attached" and he says to her, "Wow. You eat like a baby dinosaur." I thought....Oh my gosh, that's me. LOL. I imagine I look just like that.

I am always in a hurry. I am usually inhaling my food, rather than chewing it. I barely have time to sit down and eat a real meal.

I am sure he saw me.

Now everyone knows my terrible eating habits.

leader

"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more, and become more, then you are a leader." - John Quincy Adams

I try to be a leader every day. For my students who call me "boss"...for my co-workers...for my siblings...for my friends and for my family.

I know my actions are a reflection of what I expect from my students. I know they look up to me and seek my guidance, so I try my best to be the example. They are the reason I work so hard, not for the title of "leader", but to create a better life and future for all of them.

"Forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past" - B. Wakefield

lesson learned

He broke my heart
And now it's raining
Just to rub it in
I'm at your door
I feel so crazy about it
You'll say "I told you so"
You saw it long ago
You knew he had to go
I finally came round
I'm back on solid ground
Can't let it get me down

It's alright
It's alright
It's alright

Yes, I was burned but
I call it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned
So I call it a lesson learned
My soul has returned
So I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned

Sometimes some lies
Can take a minute
To fully realize
His eyes, your tears
Thirty seconds to apologize
You give it one more chance
Just like the time before
But he already knew
You'd give a hundred more
Until that night in bed
You wake up in a sweat
You're racing to the door
Can't take it anymore

I was burned but
I call it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned
So I call it a lesson learned
My soul has returned
So I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned

Life perfect
Ain't perfect
If you don't know what
The struggle's for
Falling down
Ain't falling down
If you don't cry when
You hit the floor
It's called the past
Cause I'm getting past
And I ain't nothing
Like I was before
You ought to see me now

Yes, I was burned but
I call it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned
So I call it a lesson learned
My soul has returned
So I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned