Day 25: the reason I believe I am still alive today

I believe I am still alive today, because God has big plans for me. There have been times when I've wanted to throw in the towel, but my faith in God keeps me going. We all face challenges in our lives........I remember that if God brings me to it, He will bring me through it. Life is not meant to be easy - I see it as an adventure.

A friend of mine posted this picture on Facebook about success and it made me realize that yes, there is no simple straight route to success, nor is there to happiness in life.

I believe I am still here, because God knew I would have nieces and nephews to be a role model for and to help raise and teach them about His love and word.

My mom is another reason I think I am still alive today. She had me at 16 and could have chosen other paths, but instead, she chose me. I am so thankful to have such a wonderful and loving mother who is strong and independent. She has given me strength when I've been at my weakest. She has given me a college education and a good life. It was rough at times, but we both came out better people.

There is so much I look forward to in life that I have yet to experience. I try to remember to cherish every day that I have.

longing for little footsteps

Seeing him hold Hadynn and play with Haley yesterday melted my heart. I'm not going to lie....I long for those days. When I have children of my own and strangers ooo and ahhh over as I carry them across the room and their little hands rest in mine.

What is really difficult to grasp, is that at this time, my ex-husband and I had planned to start a family of our own. As each of my friends and family announce they're pregnant and have their first baby, my heart hurts. For just a moment, I am selfish. That was supposed to be me. I was supposed to be pregnant along with my friends. We were supposed to share pregnancy stories. I am happy for them, as each child is a blessing from God. I know my time with come. I am just anxiously waiting for my own little blessing.

When I was in Louisiana, I came across this adorable little children's store. I stepped in and my heart sighed inside. The little bows, dresses and tiny shoes made me smile. I ran my fingers over the books. I stopped at the title of one. Sweeteas by Rochelle Frazier. It was the perfect little southern girl book. At that moment, I wish I had a daughter I could buy it for. Sigh.

I pray that one day God will bless me with an adoring and faithful husband and healthy children of my own.

Here's Rochelle Frazier's website for all you mamas who want to check it out: 
The Sweeteas. Her focus in her writing is to promote value and lessons of faith for little girls.

Day 24: Make a playlist to someone

Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. 

To my sweet little nieces, Ella and Jade, the two princesses in my life. :)

1. "Dancing Queen" - always take time to have fun and dance.

2. "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" - this is my sorority song.

3. "Mama's Song" (Carrie Underwood) - so romantic...every girl should find a man who absolutely adores her.

4. "Material Girl" - everyone should know who Madonna is and this is my absolute favorite song of hers.

5. "Don't Worry, Be Happy" - I want to teach them to not let the little things get to them.

6. "Super Woman" (Alicia Keys) - this song really picks me up when I'm feeling defeated and I want them to feel like super women...strong and independent.

7. "Mississippi Girl" (Faith Hill) - I know we're not from Mississippi, but I just love this song. It puts me in the best mood. I want them to always remember who they are and where the come from.

8. "Man, I Feel Like a Woman" (Shania Twain) - such an empowering song.

9. "Mean" (Taylor Swift) - a song for them to listen to when the world seems so cruel.

10. "Good Life" (OneRepublic) - I want nothing, but a good life for them.

11. "Single Ladies" (Beyonce) - to help them remember their love is worth so much and a man should earn it.

12. "Marry Me" (Train) - I hope they meet their Prince Charming and will have a romantic song like this to dance to on their wedding day.

13. "Just As I am" (Daniel Doss) - this is my ultimate favorite Christian song. I want these two special little girls in my life to realize that God takes them just as they are. 

14. "Rain Down" (Delirious) - another amazing Christian song. I pray that God is part of my niece's lives.

15. "Never Grow Up" (Taylor Swift) - I never want them to grow up, but I know they will grow into beautiful women....some day.

What have I been up to?

This week has been hectic, long, testing, and exhausting. Here's what I have been up to lately.....

This week has been particularly stressful with all the student interviews, upcoming visit day stuff, grad school homework (due Monday!), grading (b/c...oh yeah, I'm teaching a college class too), countless meetings......and the 50 students who work for me that are constantly needing my guidance and attention. I might not officially be a mother yet, but some days, I feel like I am. Of course, I can only imagine what it's like. But gosh, when you have students constantly calling for you....I feel like they might as well be saying, "mama! mama!"

Here's a general list of what I do in the fall and spring. I work for a college, so I think in terms of semesters and academic years.

The fall = ambassador training.....campus tour certification......interviewing, hiring and training the overnight host team.....reading applications......meeting with families......travel.....phone calls.....endless emails......meetings.....planning, prepping and managing visit days.

The spring = interviews for the ambassador team (tour guides)......interviews for ambassador student leadership team.....interviews for the overnight host student leadership team.....training the spring overnight hosts......student evaluations for both student teams.......planning, prepping and running visit days.....reading applications......meeting with families.....lots of phone calls......still endless emails.....meetings.

On top of all of that I am in my last year of grad school (only 4 classes left!). Ahhhhh!

So, bare with me as my blog might suffer a lack of posts due to headaches, nausea, colds, and loss of sleep.

I won't even get into my diet lately. Let's just say.......it's not good.

Day 23: Something I wish I had done in my life

I wish I had visited with my great-grandma more when I was in college. My freshman year of college, we used to have dinner every Sunday night. After freshman year, my social life picked up and I didn't visit her as much. We used to watch football while eating dessert after dinner on Sundays. I'd fold my laundry and head back to campus. We made some great memories together. Friday nights, we would go watch my younger twin brothers play high school football in town. It's amazing how often times we take the little things with the people we love so much for granted.

The Man at Walmart

We all know how expensive Starbucks is, but we still love it. Well, on my way to work one day, I was running late, but just HAD to get a coffee from Starbucks. I was in a lane where the left lane ended. I ended up cutting someone off (not on purpose), and felt so bad. As the car I cut off waited in line behind me in the Starbucks drive-thru, I decided I was going to pay for their order, regardless of how much it was. When I got to the window, I paid for my order and then asked if I could pay for the order behind me in line as well. The cashier gave me a puzzled look and said, "ok." I hope I was able to make that person's day or at least have them forgive me for cutting them off. :/

This is an amazing story another blogger posted today. My heart melted when I read this story.

The Man at Walmart

Day 22: Something I wish I hadn't done in my life

I wish I hadn't let boys distract me growing up all the way through college. I was so focused on a boyfriend, rather than my homework when I was younger. I feel like I lost a lot of time and a great education because of that major fault of mine.

I'm learning this lesson now......at 28. So, I am focusing on my Master's degree........I have to remember MY life goals. I am determined to accomplish what I want in life and not what someone else wants. I've done that for too long. I put my dreams on hold for 5 years for someone else - it was a sacrifice I made for us. Now, I'm making time for me and actually achieving my goals, rather than just listing them to accomplish some day. I am lucky to have someone in life who understands this and supports me.

Day 20: my views on drugs & alcohol

I've never done drugs. I've never had any desire to. I know people who have and do. I know what can come of using drugs. I have watched my Aunt's life spin out of control over and over again because of them. I wish there was something more I could say or do to help her. I pray for her every day. I hope that she finds peace with her life without drugs some day.

I'm not a big drinker. I have a glass or two of wine with my mom or friends every once in awhile, but that's about it. I don't believe in drinking yourself stupid. I've been there and now, I'm over it. I've grown up. I look back and it was fun, yes, but I could have been doing so much more with my life. I have friends whose lives become consumed by alcohol. I will always volunteer to be the designated driver for a group of friends. I'd rather everyone be able to have fun and not worry about how they are going to get home. I don't judge those who drink - a lot of family does - it's their choice. It's just not my thing.

Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident........

(scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?


My first instinct regardless of the fight, is to immediately run to my best friend's side and be there for her. Too often people let grudges keep them from ever rekindling their friendship. I am big on forgiveness. We are not perfect and everyone makes mistakes. Even if I were at fault for the fight with my best friend, I'd still run to her side. I cherish my friendships. Life is short and I try not to hold onto negative things or arguments. I try to remember to tell people I love them or give them a hug, because you never know........that might be the last time you will see or talk to them.

Day 19: My thoughts on religion

I believe it is best as a society to be educated in the religions around us.........around the world. I am a Christian. I believe in God and Jesus Christ. Do I know everything about the Bible or its history? No. Have I studied other religions? Yes. Do I agree with all of them? No, but that's OK. That's what makes the world unique. If everyone were the same, gosh, that would be boring.

Do I follow the Bible word-for-word in my everyday life? No. I make mistakes - everyone does. I am not perfect, but I know I will be forgiven and I will continue to learn about my faith. We are all life-long learners, because we will never know everything about religion or life. I am fascinated about other religions and enjoy learning about their history, traditions and stories.

I work at an independent Lutheran University. Faith is a big part of my job. Students and families always ask about our faith on campus. We are an inviting campus of all faiths and beliefs. We do not judge or dismiss anyone because of their religion. This is why I love my University and enjoy working there - I believe in what I am representing as a faculty member. I believe religion is a choice.

I was not raised in the Church, as they say. I was not baptized until I was 28. My parents wanted it to be my choice. I used to resent them for that growing up, because almost everyone I knew was baptized. I felt like the odd one out. My peers would give me an odd look when I told them I wasn't baptized. Now that I am older, I am glad I was baptized when I was, because I understand the importance and purpose of it more now than I did growing up.

Religion.......the Bible......and the community at church.....saved my life. My divorce tore me apart. I was lost. I needed guidance and an understanding of why I was going through that pain. Calvary Church really helped give me direction and make sense of my life. Before then, I felt like I had no purpose in my life. I started going to GracePoint (my church now) almost a year ago and my life has been transformed completely. I am so thankful for Calvary for putting my life back on track and for GracePoint for making me whole again.

Day 18: views on gay marriage

I am conservative in some respects, but I am pretty liberal about this, I guess.

I feel that you cannot control who you fall in love with. I have a few gay friends and I love them no differently than I do any of my straight friends. My mom raised me to be kind to everyone, regardless of whether or not I agree with their beliefs or choices in life. I think if two people are happy and in love, then marriage, in any form, should be an option for them.

Who are we to dictate who other people can marry? Someone's personal life.......their sex life for that matter......is really none of my business, nor anyone else's.

Now, I understand people have a problem with gay marriage, because they feel it is imposing on or mocking the historical and traditional value of it being between a man and woman. Things are different today than they were 100 years ago.......1,000 years ago. Others might ask, don't you believe in the Bible and what it says? Yes, I do, but I am also entitled to my own feelings about something. I know Christians should not judge either and I don't.

I think because I come from a blended family, I am more open to gay marriage. I have learned that no one family is alike - no one couple is alike. What I think is ruining marriage is not the gays, but the media. Reality TV, celebrities (sorry y'all), and divorce rates are what's destroying the value of marriage.

My first week as "Professor"

Monday was my first day of class. Ahhh! I was so nervous. I have no idea why. I went to college to become a teacher. I had to give myself a little pep talk before class. I know. Silly.  Right? Well, I did.

Today (day 2) went much better once I was able to get past the boring/serious "syllabus day." I was able to relax and be more myself and teach what I know.

I only have 17 students in my class. Pfew! That's a good size - I am so lucky. I am confident it will be a great 6 weeks with these young people.

My goals:
1. make a difference if not in their life, their first year of college.
2.to teach them valuable lessons, skills and techniques they can apply to their life and education.
3. for each of them to earn an A grade.

Day 17: a book that has changed my views on something

Life Laughs, by Jenny McCarthy ( I LOVE her!)

The book is hilarious, honest, and a little vulgar and out there at times.

Jenny is an optimistic person full of life, energy, humor and love.

This book talks about her experiences in life........the good, the bad, and the ugly. She finds the humor and lessons with every experience.

How has this book changed my life? It has put life's obstacles and successes in perspective for me. Through her humor I have learned to laugh things off sometimes and not take life so seriously. I've learned that yes, sometimes bad things happen to good people, but you learn from it and move on. The most important lesson I have learned is to go out and live my life.

Day 16: something/someone I definitely could live without

Negative people. 

I could definitely live without them. They only bring me down and make life miserable. I have learned to steer clear of these types of people. I don't want to surround myself with nay-sayers. I've experienced these people at work, in my social circle and even in my family. I try to see the positive in everything, rather than create scenarios that are negative. 

Mean people.

It makes me so mad when women talk bad about each other -- whether you're strangers or friends. Gossip is hurtful and unnecessary. 

It frustrates me when people honk and flip complete strangers off while driving. I know I sometimes get frustrated while driving, but I try to remember that I will get to where I need to be....to be patient. 

I hate when people feel the need to be bossy and rude just because they have a title. Having a leadership title doesn't mean you can be disrespectful or belittle people. When you behave that way, your title goes out the window - you are no longer a true leader. 

Day 15: Something/someone I'v tried to live with out, but couldn't

My dog, Ellie Mae. 

She lives with Matthew right now, because the owner of my house doesn't allow dogs. :(

I was going to find another home for Ellie, but Matt has grown close to her and he knows how much I love her, so he offered to let her come live with him. 

Even though I don't see her during the week, I look forward to the weekends with her (and Matt too, of course).

I know what you're probably thinking....she is just a dog. 

But, she has helped me through some tough times and I have cared for her like she was my baby (not like dress her up in clothes and push her in a stroller kind of baby).

She is the sweetest, smartest and best dog (ok, I know I'm a little biased) I've ever had. She is the first dog that I, myself, have owned (not my parents). 

I look forward to the day when I can go to sleep every night with her at the foot of the bed and every morning her waking me up to play. I sure miss her, but I am so glad that I have Matthew in my life who has willingly taken her in and cares for her just as much as I do......and didn't let me give her away.

Day 14: A hero who has let me down (a letter)

Dear B,

I have always looked up to you and admired your marriage and your life. You are a Marine - courageous and strong. I wanted to be just like you. Whenever I hurt, I'd think of you and I'd find strength through your sacrifices and commitment to our country and your family.

Even though we are step-siblings, I have always thought of you as my older brother, regardless of details.

When you and your wife asked me to be your daughter's Godmother, I was honored and take that role in my niece's life seriously. I hope to help raise her with Jesus Christ in her life and be a good Christian role model for her.

When my marriage ended, I felt as if I let you and L down as E's Godmother. I felt as if I already failed as a Godly woman.

When I received the news of your actions and choices to stray from your marriage, my heart broke. I didn't want to believe it. My hero would never do that, I thought. To ease the pain and to escape the thought of this being true, I went for a long run. I woke up the next day, realizing the reality of my life.......your life.......L's life...........and most important, E's life.

I was, and still am, angry with you. How could you do this? Why would you cause everyone so much pain? You were my hero.

I will never understand your recent actions or your choices. My heart is broken. You let me down.

I pray that you seek God and let Him into your life again.

Your sister always,

Nikki

"I Don't Know How She Does It"

This is the next movie I want to see. I just LOVE Sarah Jessica Parker. This movie makes me think of all the super moms I know out there (my two sister-in-laws, for starters) who are able to balance it all.

Thankful Thursday

These days I am thankful for.....

1. Flexible bosses, who are willing to work with my grad school schedule and still allow me to keep my job.

2. My friends and family who were present on the day I was baptized..........so thankful for their love and support.

3. V8 juice........it has been helping me with this stinkin' cold.

4. Matthew..........and all the little notes, emails and texts he sends me throughout the week.

5. Pinterest. I've been able to get some awesome decorating and recipe ideas!

And I just love this song.........

Day 13: a band/artist who has gotten me through some tough days (a letter)

Dear Taylor Swift, Carrie Underwood, Miranda Lambert, Colbie Caillat, Leona Lewis, Adele:

All of you have amazing voices. Thank you for singing everything I am feeling and everything I want to say. Your songs are like stories of my life.

Taylor, even though we are totally different ages, somehow I can still relate to you and your songs. I was once young like you and sometimes feel like that lost, confused teenage girl again.

Adele, your soulful lyrics and voice give me a sense of power I needed to find within myself again. For a period of time, I had lost that. Thank you for bringing me back to life.

Colbie, you have been a favorite for a long time. Your songs have brought me so much happiness and vibrance again.

Leona, your song, "Happy" helped me hold back the tears on days when I didn't want to face people at work. It was my start of the day, power song.

Miranda & Carrie, "White Liar" and "Undo It"- WOW! Awesome. Whenever I am angry and refuse to cry, I turn those songs up and dance around my house.

All of you - your songs put things into perspective for me and help me find my strength, courage and peace in my life again.

Thank you.

Your grateful fan,

Nikki