Day 25: the reason I believe I am still alive today

I believe I am still alive today, because God has big plans for me. There have been times when I've wanted to throw in the towel, but my faith in God keeps me going. We all face challenges in our lives........I remember that if God brings me to it, He will bring me through it. Life is not meant to be easy - I see it as an adventure.

A friend of mine posted this picture on Facebook about success and it made me realize that yes, there is no simple straight route to success, nor is there to happiness in life.

I believe I am still here, because God knew I would have nieces and nephews to be a role model for and to help raise and teach them about His love and word.

My mom is another reason I think I am still alive today. She had me at 16 and could have chosen other paths, but instead, she chose me. I am so thankful to have such a wonderful and loving mother who is strong and independent. She has given me strength when I've been at my weakest. She has given me a college education and a good life. It was rough at times, but we both came out better people.

There is so much I look forward to in life that I have yet to experience. I try to remember to cherish every day that I have.

longing for little footsteps

Seeing him hold Hadynn and play with Haley yesterday melted my heart. I'm not going to lie....I long for those days. When I have children of my own and strangers ooo and ahhh over as I carry them across the room and their little hands rest in mine.

What is really difficult to grasp, is that at this time, my ex-husband and I had planned to start a family of our own. As each of my friends and family announce they're pregnant and have their first baby, my heart hurts. For just a moment, I am selfish. That was supposed to be me. I was supposed to be pregnant along with my friends. We were supposed to share pregnancy stories. I am happy for them, as each child is a blessing from God. I know my time with come. I am just anxiously waiting for my own little blessing.

When I was in Louisiana, I came across this adorable little children's store. I stepped in and my heart sighed inside. The little bows, dresses and tiny shoes made me smile. I ran my fingers over the books. I stopped at the title of one. Sweeteas by Rochelle Frazier. It was the perfect little southern girl book. At that moment, I wish I had a daughter I could buy it for. Sigh.

I pray that one day God will bless me with an adoring and faithful husband and healthy children of my own.

Here's Rochelle Frazier's website for all you mamas who want to check it out: 
The Sweeteas. Her focus in her writing is to promote value and lessons of faith for little girls.

Day 24: Make a playlist to someone

Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. 

To my sweet little nieces, Ella and Jade, the two princesses in my life. :)

1. "Dancing Queen" - always take time to have fun and dance.

2. "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" - this is my sorority song.

3. "Mama's Song" (Carrie Underwood) - so romantic...every girl should find a man who absolutely adores her.

4. "Material Girl" - everyone should know who Madonna is and this is my absolute favorite song of hers.

5. "Don't Worry, Be Happy" - I want to teach them to not let the little things get to them.

6. "Super Woman" (Alicia Keys) - this song really picks me up when I'm feeling defeated and I want them to feel like super women...strong and independent.

7. "Mississippi Girl" (Faith Hill) - I know we're not from Mississippi, but I just love this song. It puts me in the best mood. I want them to always remember who they are and where the come from.

8. "Man, I Feel Like a Woman" (Shania Twain) - such an empowering song.

9. "Mean" (Taylor Swift) - a song for them to listen to when the world seems so cruel.

10. "Good Life" (OneRepublic) - I want nothing, but a good life for them.

11. "Single Ladies" (Beyonce) - to help them remember their love is worth so much and a man should earn it.

12. "Marry Me" (Train) - I hope they meet their Prince Charming and will have a romantic song like this to dance to on their wedding day.

13. "Just As I am" (Daniel Doss) - this is my ultimate favorite Christian song. I want these two special little girls in my life to realize that God takes them just as they are. 

14. "Rain Down" (Delirious) - another amazing Christian song. I pray that God is part of my niece's lives.

15. "Never Grow Up" (Taylor Swift) - I never want them to grow up, but I know they will grow into beautiful women....some day.

What have I been up to?

This week has been hectic, long, testing, and exhausting. Here's what I have been up to lately.....

This week has been particularly stressful with all the student interviews, upcoming visit day stuff, grad school homework (due Monday!), grading (b/c...oh yeah, I'm teaching a college class too), countless meetings......and the 50 students who work for me that are constantly needing my guidance and attention. I might not officially be a mother yet, but some days, I feel like I am. Of course, I can only imagine what it's like. But gosh, when you have students constantly calling for you....I feel like they might as well be saying, "mama! mama!"

Here's a general list of what I do in the fall and spring. I work for a college, so I think in terms of semesters and academic years.

The fall = ambassador training.....campus tour certification......interviewing, hiring and training the overnight host team.....reading applications......meeting with families......travel.....phone calls.....endless emails......meetings.....planning, prepping and managing visit days.

The spring = interviews for the ambassador team (tour guides)......interviews for ambassador student leadership team.....interviews for the overnight host student leadership team.....training the spring overnight hosts......student evaluations for both student teams.......planning, prepping and running visit days.....reading applications......meeting with families.....lots of phone calls......still endless emails.....meetings.

On top of all of that I am in my last year of grad school (only 4 classes left!). Ahhhhh!

So, bare with me as my blog might suffer a lack of posts due to headaches, nausea, colds, and loss of sleep.

I won't even get into my diet lately. Let's just say.......it's not good.

Day 23: Something I wish I had done in my life

I wish I had visited with my great-grandma more when I was in college. My freshman year of college, we used to have dinner every Sunday night. After freshman year, my social life picked up and I didn't visit her as much. We used to watch football while eating dessert after dinner on Sundays. I'd fold my laundry and head back to campus. We made some great memories together. Friday nights, we would go watch my younger twin brothers play high school football in town. It's amazing how often times we take the little things with the people we love so much for granted.

The Man at Walmart

We all know how expensive Starbucks is, but we still love it. Well, on my way to work one day, I was running late, but just HAD to get a coffee from Starbucks. I was in a lane where the left lane ended. I ended up cutting someone off (not on purpose), and felt so bad. As the car I cut off waited in line behind me in the Starbucks drive-thru, I decided I was going to pay for their order, regardless of how much it was. When I got to the window, I paid for my order and then asked if I could pay for the order behind me in line as well. The cashier gave me a puzzled look and said, "ok." I hope I was able to make that person's day or at least have them forgive me for cutting them off. :/

This is an amazing story another blogger posted today. My heart melted when I read this story.

The Man at Walmart

Day 22: Something I wish I hadn't done in my life

I wish I hadn't let boys distract me growing up all the way through college. I was so focused on a boyfriend, rather than my homework when I was younger. I feel like I lost a lot of time and a great education because of that major fault of mine.

I'm learning this lesson now......at 28. So, I am focusing on my Master's degree........I have to remember MY life goals. I am determined to accomplish what I want in life and not what someone else wants. I've done that for too long. I put my dreams on hold for 5 years for someone else - it was a sacrifice I made for us. Now, I'm making time for me and actually achieving my goals, rather than just listing them to accomplish some day. I am lucky to have someone in life who understands this and supports me.