It breaks my heart. My aunt (my mom's baby sister) is still struggling with addiction. She will deny it. We can still tell. She has been in and out of jail for different things. Each time she is sent there, I think and I pray to God she will change. I love her so much and I want to help her so bad. It comes down to the person suffering to admit they need help and to truly want help.
My aunt is only 7 years older than me. Growing up, she picked on me as if I were a younger sister. I looked up to her though. I thought she was so cool until I knew the truth. I was in 6th grade when she first went to jail. She was only 18. She was forging checks (so I've been told). This was eye-opening to me. I didn't really know or understand the extent of her troubles. Yes, she had tattoos...she smoked and drank, but so do a lot of teenagers.
Rewind a couple years. My aunt was a teen mom. She gave birth to her only son, Damien. He was the light of her world. He changed her. A few short months later, he passed away of a crib death. She was devastated. Her world came crashing down around her. The love of her life was gone.
Her world spiraled out of control again. I don't know all the details, because my family is pretty tight-lipped about it, which could be the problem of why she is still suffering. "We need to help her and love her no matter what," I always tell them. A lot of people have given up on her.
She is the primary caregiver of her good friend who is wheelchair bound. She hasn't had any responsibility for someone else since Damien. This has given her a new purpose in life - to care for someone else's well-being.
She's still suffering with her own well-being though. I can tell by her shaky hands, her frail figure, the dark circles under her eyes and her continued little appetite.
I have always wondered....how do addictions start? Why can't people stop? Don't they see it's hurting themselves - they are killing themselves?
I still pray for you, Aunt Janae. I wish I could magically make your life better and make you happy again. I know you often feel forgotten, but I haven't forgotten about you and I will never give up on you. I love you.
my grandpa, my aunt and my grandma
I also wanted to share my blog friend's post about her cousin's addiction. You can read Camilla's story here: The Shine Project.
1 comment:
This is beautiful, Nikki. It's very clear how much you love her. I'm not sure I will ever truly understand the birthplace of addiction, but I understand the catalysts. I will also keep your aunt in my thoughts. My sister was a struggling addict (drugs) after we lost our dad, but now she's been sober for over a year. She was tired of hearing us tell her she needed to change -- she needed to decide to do it for herself, and she did.
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