Small chest...what?!

Today's post is about a complete and total random topic.....you might not even be interested after reading the title of this post and that's ok.

No fun pictures today, folks.

Let's start with the comment I made in my last post about the size of my girls. No, I don't all of a sudden have daughters and no, I am not talking about my girl friends. I am talking about my chest.

I have always been petite - good genes? Hmmm....maybe from my grandpa.

I workout regularly too, so I that doesn't help my girls bulk up. Instead, it deflates them. Sigh.

I look at these women with tiny waists and big chests and I wonder, "what the hell?!" The thing is, not all of them are fake boobs. Some women are just blessed.

So, why am I all of a sudden "noticing" my forever, never-has-changed, small chest?

Well, I put on a sports bra the other day in the bathroom after work and blinked thinking my contacts were blurry or something. My chest looks smaller! Yes, I know sports bras make you look smaller, period. I just don't recall noticing how small my little boy chest looked.

Have I not been paying attention? Have I been getting dressed with my eyes closed lately?

I have never been insecure about my chest, so that's not what this post is about. I am very comfortable with below-average girls. I don't want to have back problems in the future. I would also like to be able to golf and workout without sandbags strapped to my chest.

I applaud women who carry those big things around. Good for you.

What I LIKE about being smaller up top:

1. I can enjoy playing sports without feeling like I have a couple water balloons floppin' all over the place.
2. No back problems.
3. I don't have to worry about "Is this shirt too low-cut for work? Do I have cleavage?" HAHA! Never.
4. I wear the same size shirt - no matter what style.
5.They won't be hitting the floor by the time I'm 50.

For the ladies out there with a set of tiny girls....be proud. And remember, there is thing called the push-up bra, so if you want to show a little cleav, you can without toppling over.

Have a great weekend!

CrAzY baby dream

With everyone....ok, not everyone, but with a LOT of people around me getting pregnant and having babies, I have had baby on the brain.

As I mentioned in a previous blog post.....I am TERRIFIED of becoming a mother. Not that I don't want to, just nervous.

I think my CRAZY baby dream last night was due to few conversations yesterday.

1. talking babies with my boss yesterday over lunch....when? how many?
2. discussion with Matthew about getting another dog this summer, so our current dog, Ellie Mae, has a friend before we get pregnant.
3. complaining to Matthew about how small my girls are....yes, you read that right. I think that deserves a blog post all in itself.

So, here's my crazy dream......

Matthew and I had a baby girl. We named her Ellie Mae. Weird, yes, I know. We do NOT intend to name any of our children after our pets. In the dream, we were so concerned with it being too close to my niece's name, Ella, but figured it was different enough. It wasn't until we got home and realized we named our child after our dog (after we called to our dog by her name).

The name was the not the biggest issue in the dream. We went to the grocery store with our new baby and realized we didn't have a car seat....only one of the baby wraps that parents wear around the front of their bodies. See, I don't even know the name of the frickin' thing! How am I going to be a parent?!

We get to the grocery store and I asked Matt if he fed her before we left. No. He asks, "did you?" No. OH MY WORD! We didn't feed our starving and now screaming newborn baby! Horrible parents. I take her to the bathroom to try to breast feed her. She wasn't having it. I said, "Look kid, I know their small, but get over it." I cried right there in the bathroom stall. My baby was rejecting my boobs. How awful?! I left the bathroom a total hot mess. A screaming, hungry baby with a full diaper, because we forgot diapers.

Are you laughing yet? This dream fed right into my every fear of becoming a parent.

For all my mommy friends, be prepared to be on my speed dial and to receive phone calls at all hours. Be ready for sobbing calls and "HELP ME!" text messages.....and LOTS of questions....probably a few "dumb" or common sense ones too.

Good thing we have a couple years until we plan to have a baby. :)

Fathers be good to your daughters....

29 years....you'd think one would learn.
On and off....and on again.....and off again.
A roller coaster relationship.
Disappointment and tears.
Never attending a single graduation.
Mom taught her how to tie her shoes.
Countless missed birthdays.
Broken trust.
Someone else taught her how to drive.
Abandoned and hurt. 
Feeling like an inconvenience.
Mom taught her how to read.
Absent hugs and kisses.
Lies.
Being last in your life.
Feeling forgotten.
Getting her hopes up, only to let be down again.
Child support was an inconvenience.
No daddy-daughter dance for her.
Broken heart.
Take-your-daughter-to-work day was always with mom.
Unsupported.
Scared of commitment.
Feeling uninvited in your life.
Bittersweet wedding day.

Once upon a time....

Once upon a time a girl got married......again.

Okay, not everyone dreams of planning their second wedding.

I have been kind of been poking around with the wedding plans. I mean, we have all of the big stuff booked, planned and deposits paid. I am just not feeling the way many other brides do....normally.

Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled to have found such an amazing man who loves me for me. I guess, I feel.....like people aren't as excited for me, because it is my second time. Does that sound selfish? I feel like it does. Gosh.

Maybe it's simply because I have experienced a wedding before that I have a better idea of what to stress over and what not to stress over, etc.

I have learned over the last 3 years that life is no fairytale. It might start off with a "Once upon a time," but there are certainly bumps along the way. I still firmly believe everyone can still get their happily ever after though. Look at Cinderella....it was no piece of cake for her to find her Prince.

I think it really comes down to.....I am more excited and looking forward to my marriage than the wedding day. Is that weird? It sounds weird, but I know and believe that it's the marriage that is the most important, not the surface stuff of a wedding day.

Ladies, if you aren't married yet or if you're planning your wedding, let me tell you a few important things I learned.....

1. no one will remember what your wedding favors were.
2. no one will care if there are chair covers on every chair at the reception hall.
3. there is no need to spend TONS of money on flowers (they die....like the next day).
4. let your bridesmaids pick out their dresses and/or shoes......they will love you for it later.
5. not everything has to be matchy-matchy.
6. there is no sensible reason for buying high priced, name brand, high heel shoes.....your feet will be so swollen the next day....NOT sexy!
7. have fun, enjoy your day and remember the soul reason why you are getting married....that person you are exchanging "I do forever" with.

I am so much more laid back this time and you know what? I am enjoying and appreciating every moment along the way so much more.

Why don't you add "Mom" after your last name next?

Those are the exact words my mother asked me while we were discussing Ed.D. program possibilities. Okay, mom. I can take a hint. You want a grandchild.

My family doesn't quite understand why I am almost 30 and I don't have any children yet. They have also never really understood my love for education and wanting to put myself through hours and hours of homework, writing research papers and sitting through class after class over the years. They have always supported me, but never really "got" why I would rather go to school than start a family.

For me, I needed to find the right man. I see having a child as a HUGE step in someone's life and relationship. This is not something I take lightly.

To be frank, I am scared OUT OF MIND to have a child!

I can teach students. I can give presentations to 500+ people. I can counsel families through the college process.

BUT, having a child....that's a major responsibility. That's someone's life I could potentially screw up. I worry about a lot of things......

1. What if my kid hates me?
2. What if I cannot successfully potty-train my kid until the age of 8?
3. What if I fail to use the "right" products, so my kid doesn't stop breathing or have a major allergy attack?
4. What if I am one of those parents who cannot control their rambunctious kids in the store?
5. What if I don't know what to do in the middle of the night when the baby won't stop crying? How will know what to do?
6. How will I know which daycare is the best one?
7. What if my spouse and I cannot agree on spanking vs. no spanking? I say NO spanking.
8. What if my kids are complete terrors and I am left hiding and crying the bathroom every day?
9. What if I don't know what foods you can and cannot feed kids? At what age can they eat _____?
10. What if I fail to explain the birds and the bees at the right age? WHEN is the "right" age?

Oh my word! The questions go on and on!

I watch the TV show, Pregnant in Heels, and some of the questions she asks parents-to-be are tough. I panic when she asks questions and I don't know the answers to them.

How are people ever ready to become parents? It will be a couple years until I add the "Mom" after my name, so I have enough time to study up, right?

Book Club's first pick: Good in Bed

We had our first book club meeting the end of September. There was 6 of us there. More than I thought would even be in the book club! AND we have a total number of 8 confirmed to participate in the group. YAY!

We selected our first book together from the book list I came up with with the help of those who submitted ideas of books they are interested in reading. 22 books.

We decided to keep our first book light and fun. No super serious book the first go around for us. I want these girls to get to know each other before we dig into deep issues. Ya know? We selected Jennifer Weiner's Good In Bed 2002 book. I started reading it.....AMAZING!

Have you read this book? What are your thoughts about it?

So excited for our next meeting (November 2) at my house. We are having a potluck. Any fun recipe suggestions?

Denver!!!

Last week I was in Denver, CO for a national work conference. It was a lot of fun. I had never been to Colorado before. Because of the weather, it was kind of difficult to see the mountains (people have been asking me about this). I was in downtown Denver.....LOTS of cement and tall buildings around. Kind of hard to see the mountains around those ginormous buildings.

The coolest thing to me, as a small-town girl.....the free busses you could just hop on and off to get throughout the city. AWESOME!

While it would have nice to experience another side of Denver, it was still great to experience a different state. I was able to visit Coors Field, run a 5k and experience a Coyote Ugly.

The run was by far my favorite part of the trip. I didn't think registration would still be open, but when I found it was, I jumped at the opportunity to run a race in Colorado. It was through a park....near the river, over and under bridges. Very pretty. It was also my first evening race. All of the runs I have done have been in the morning. I dressed in layers and even wore gloves. Half-way through the race, I had to take them off - it was too warm.


Here's a few pics to recap the trip.....