Boundaries

I read this blog post this morning and thought to myself, "Wow, that's a great idea." It is about a married couple who established boundaries for their relationship starting back to when they were dating and still maintain them in their marriage.

Their boundaries: They do not eat a meal or ride in a car one-on-one with a member of the opposite sex.

While this couple's boundaries might seem ridiculous or sound crazy to some people, they don't to me. I have known marriages to fall apart because there were no boundaries, experiencing this personally. This is why many people, both men and women, have trust issues. It is not about what appears to be the case on the outside:  crazy, absurd trust issues, it is about something deeper than that....respect and love for your significant other (married or not).

It might seem harmless or innocent, but often times that is how affairs start. An innocent coffee meeting or car ride to a conference, especially when they happen regularly. Affairs often start emotionally and then become physical. Both are extremely hurtful and disrespectful to your significant other.

Being conservative and setting boundaries in your relationship doesn't make you crazy or "restrict" your partner from "having a life outside of your relationship"....it's about respect. Your significant other shouldn't have outside relationships that walk the line of inappropriate. Put yourself in your partner's shoes....would he/she be ok with it? What would your kids think (if you have kids)? How will others perceive this "relationship" outside of your marriage with someone of the opposite sex? I know many people will argue, "I don't care what other people think," and that's fine, but I do. It is so humiliating when others know what's going on and you don't. It's not about being "insecure" in your relationship, it's about being confident and respectful of your relationship and your partner.

"But my significant other knows I love them." Sure they do, but actions speak louder than words.

Someone commented on this blogger's post asking what about mutual good friends or in-laws. I think that's ok, but it is up to the couple to draw their own boundaries. Look at Shania Twain's marriage....her best friend and her husband were having an affair.

I'm not saying that this couple's particular boundaries are for everyone, nor are setting boundaries. I just wanted to point out how effective having them can be in relationships and my personal opinions as to why.

To read the full blog post: Learning to be a wife